Cookies For My Dying Neighbor

My neighbor, Larry, just died of stage 4 aggressive cancer. It ate him up in just a handful of months. Larry was a tenant in a home that I owned, just two doors away. Then, Larry became a neighbor. He really became a friend and someone that I could talk to about business, trends, family, and overall spiritual growth.

Last Sunday, Oct. 3, was the last time we communicated. I texted him, “Hey there. You feeling ok? I have some cookies for ya…from some friends.” He responded, “I’ve got nurses here. Not feeling great. I’ll have to take a rain check.”

On Wednesday evening, Sept 29, I dropped off some Whole Foods chocolate chip cookies. He sent me back a text with the prayer hands.

On Monday evening, Sept. 27, I texted him, “Do you need anything? smooth foods? Gatorade?” He responded, “You’re awesome. No ma’am. Thank you.”

On Saturday evening, Sept 25, texted him, “How ya feeling? How is Luke (his youngest son) doing?” Larry responded, “Terrible.” “Luke is doing awesome. Thank you for checking in.”

On Sunday, Sept 19, we had some donuts and peanut butter cookies left over from our tailgate. I asked him if he wanted any, he said, “No thank you. I appreciate it!”

In mid September, Larry had his gas utility turned off. Something happened, bills were slipping past due, and not being paid. We did get him approved thru rental assistance to receive $1,800 for his October rent; thank goodness, in hindsight, that was helpful and will be helpful giving his family some time to go thru his things here in October. As we filled out all the paperwork for that rental assistance, he said, “And I’m a cheap bastard…I can’t help myself, I like free stuff…Don’t judge.”

On Sept 10, Larry paid his rent in cash. And while backing out of the drive, he sideswapped my mailbox. He was embarrassed, and said he would fix it. I knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t, so I just straightened it up, no problem. It was at this point, one month before he died, that Larry just wasn’t Larry anymore. He was falling behind. He was trying, but struggling. But I just kept offering him cookies. To help soothe whatever pain he was in.

On Sept. 9 he texted me…”I have cash…I had cash yesterday & today. I always have cash. That isn’t ever a problem. I’ll skin ya in the a.m. (pay you) Big Mamma…I’m confused easy these days-if it isn’t about work or hustlin’…I didn’t pay my water bill for three months, unbeknownst to me.”

While we were in northern Michigan for Labor Day weekend, I texted Larry, “Can I bring you something specific?” He responded: “Blueberries Jam. Please!! Any kind of jam! PB & J’s all day for me!” Think about that for a minute. You’re 46 years old, struggling with cancer, and you’re excited about PB&J’s. So when we arrived from our Michigan road trip, I took over his blueberry jam, and also gave him a blueberry cream cheese danish. He responded with a text, “Ohhhh my gooooodness!! Dude…Since having cancer, I’ve been obsessed with food, and I had a great day today, I made some good money, today was an entire blessing. But, it pales in comparison to this damn danish…You are so kind to me and I appreciate you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you.” And then he went on…”I’ve been kicked in the head by everybody that supposedly loved me…dealing with this all alone, ain’t easy…I’ve had so many people close to me do me dirty since I’ve been sick. It would absolutely blow your mind. I’ve got just a handful of people, who are new to me, within the last five or six years – who have been more precious than people that I’ve known for years… Thank you.”

Homemade punkin pie for Larry before Labor Day? He loved it, and I was on a smooth food diet too, and he didn’t even know that nor why. His son just started at UIndy, and it was their first football game in Chicago. Larry didn’t go, because Luke didn’t dress for the game.

Cookies again on Sunday, August 29, and then on August 31. Larry visited a buddy at IU Health, who had cancer, convincing him to take his pain meds and do chemotherapy. Then he came over, I made him an old fashion drink, and we sat on my back patio from 745pm til 900pm, talking about going in to business together, with the explosive opportunity in electric vehicle charging stations. He was convinced there was opportunity in one-EV charging station, that could have double spot charging. He texted me, after our convo, “You, Ms. Wilfong! Are gonna be a big deal!! YOU!!”

On Saturday, Aug. 28, Larry couldn’t get off the couch, not feeling well. He wanted to drive my new Tesla, that I picked up on Friday, August 27. He had an idea for me, not him, but for me.

Cookies again on Aug. 19, as Larry just couldn’t make it to my birthday party on Aug. 21. As he texted, “…I can’t be around people, a hamster fart would literally kill me right now…I have no immune system, no white blood cells…”

Even on August 4, cookies were the answer. I texted Larry that I’d swap him cookies for rent. He responded, “NO!! Just give me the damn cookies!!”

And more cookies on July 31. Sugar cookies this time. And July 27, he sent me a video. “You wouldn’t understand completely the dialogue but this is the video I just sent my sons-my soldiers…Thank you very much I appreciate you checking on me. Refuse to die, I need to live.”

On July 22, just a few days after I had a small bowel attack on July 19, I made punkin pies. Gave one to Larry, and also made another batch of cookies for him. On Monday, July 12, dropped off more cookies, and some cherries. As he explained, he was getting sick and tired of those shakes and pudding.

On July 7, I finally told Larry, a colon cancer patient, that I didn’t have a colon (lost it in 2000). He texted back, “Ohh wow!! I didn’t know that. You’re my inspiration!”

On July 4, Larry shared results of 2nd and 3rd opinions, “it’s advanced stage for colon cancer. That has metastasized pretty much everywhere, encompassing all major organs, mid to lower GI regions. However, my heart, my lungs, my brain, and central nervous system are intact and strong.” I was sending him my daily devotionals in early July and he loved it, was grateful and kept reinforcing, “you are a blessing to me daily.”

On June 29, Larry shared with me his prognosis. “You’re my dear friend, whether you like it or not. So, I feel completely comfortable telling you this…hold onto your hat because it’s a doozy. And I’m at complete peace with the information I’m going to disclose to you. The fight has not even begun!! So here is the prognosis: I have incurable squamous cell carncinoa stage 4. It is a very fluid, active and rapidly spreading cander. It is considered untreatable, because the advanced stage 4…the care will be Palliative Care.”

In mid-May, I saw neighbor Larry, who had lost a lot of weight. Not having any idea what was going on, I gave him a compliment and then picked him up a couple pair on new shorts, that would fit him a bit better. He said on May 31, “they fit excellently. Thank you!”

That’s all I knew to do: offer him cookies, comfort foods like donuts, punkin pies, and a blueberry danish. I didn’t know anything else to do. Just offer him cookies. And nearly every time, over the course of July, August, and September, he gobbled them up with gratitude.

What are you doing with those who may be dying with cancer? I sure don’t have the answers, but I do know that Larry loved those cookies. Feed ’em cookies 🙂 And regularly let them know you are thinking of them. Check in on them.

Struggle with your Mother Daughter Relationship?

For a decade or more, my mother (Barbara Janice Hughes Wilfong) and I have realized that we have something really special. We get along really, really well. A true lifelong blessing. And many of my friends, all of them from now all the way back to grade school friends, just love my “Mom Barb.” They ask about her, want to see her, admire her fashion and jewelry, want to receive a hand-written note with her lovely hand-writing, spend time with her, listen to her, share their story or issue with her, eat her delicious home-cooking, hug her, ride in the car and talk with her…the list goes on. You get the point!

During the COVID pandemic, Mom Barb and I took the opportunity to do a few projects, intentionally. The first project was pulling together all of my old t-shirts, and some of her t-shirts, and we then designed a t-shirt quilt. Mom Barb found an online group of quiltmakers, and got it done and delivered in August 2020. Then Mom Barb went thru her jewelry, and her mother’s jewelry, and she shared some pieces with me that she knew that I would willingly wear now. Today, I’m wearing some pearl studs. The third project had been started, stood in standstill, and then renewed itself again after we both were vaccinated in Spring 2021: drafting a book, highlighting the A-Zs on having an outstanding Mother Daughter Relationship.

So get ready to laugh, to cry, to think, to reflect, to take action, to love, to forgive, to make the extra effort, to stay quiet, to be supportive, to listen, to learn from, to help, to teach, to support, and on and on. And we will deliver it in an easy to grasp, from “A to Z” format.

Stay tuned. If you have a great story about your mother daughter relationship, please share it. If you’re struggling with this important relationship, I pray that our series of blogs/articles will help you and others.

Jen Wilfong, Sept 21, 2021

Spectacular SpaceX

Tonight, I witnessed the most spectacular thing that I have ever witnessed: four American citizens, who are not trained astronauts, buckled up and headed to space for three days. Yes, three days. And they will travel beyond the international space station. Beyond it!

In July 2021, Jeff Bezos and three fellow citizens were on his initial Blue Origin flight that orbited up and back in approximately 11 minutes, reaching approximately 100 kilometers above earth. Richard Branson’s initial Virgin Atlantic trip in early July 2021 reached about the same distance above earth, with his five colleagues, and they were in flight for more than an hour.

Billionaires in previous centuries changed our lives. Rockefeller did it with Standard Oil. Vanderbilt did it with steam engines and shipping, and then railroads. Carnegie did it with steel and steel rolls, which helped build the infrastructure of the USA. Ford did it with the Model T and the assembly line.

Elon Musk, the founder of SpaceX, TESLA, and Starlink, is an execution genius, with the mind-boggling strategic combination of four inventors: Steve Jobs (Apple), Henry Ford (automobiles with gas engines), Albert Einstein (genius), and John Glenn (first American astronaut to orbit earth three times in 1962).

Elon Musk and his SpaceX

Jeff Bezos and his Blue Origin

Richard Branson and his Virgin Atlantic

What is happening right now, in 2021, during a global pandemic, is spectacular. It’s far-reaching, futuristic strategy, that is being executed brilliantly and safely. Don’t miss it! Wake up, look up, be amazed, as we are all living in sensational times.

Jen Wilfong, Sept. 15, 2021

Learning From Centenarians

We all have life goals. One of my top life goals is to remain active, healthy, and really embrace wellness throughout life. Recently finished a few books about Centenarians, because I want to gain their insights and wisdom regarding what they did to hit 100+!

These 100+ year old people have always made me smile, but so many of these stories had me taking notes, crying, sharing the story out loud with others, and wanting to find more books to keep reading and learning.

What are some of the common traits that help them live to 100? My handwritten notes inside the front covers of all three books, that obviously impacted me the most, highlighted these areas of life:

Faith: Worship and believe. In something. And a willingness to give and be charitable.

Connection: Being around friends, family, and remaining social, as well as connected to a purpose. If that means making tortillas daily, and walking to the market to sell them, then so be it. That gave them the connection needed to keep going, at their pace.

Consistently physically active: Many of the children and grandchildren mentioned that their centenarian father or grandfather probably lived a long time, because they were always staying active on the farm, gardening, walking, traveling, or attending exercise classes.

Moderation: These centenarians really embraced the phrase, “all things in moderation”, especially with food, alcohol, (no)smoking, mood swings, etc. A bit of wine daily worked for some.

Sense of Humor: Many loved to laugh, and sought out being fun, funny, memorable, and unique. Being happy! And having a positive outlook, living peacefully with others.

Easy Going/Embrace Change: They understood the natural flow of life. The highs, the lows, and how to be resilient, as well as having the foresight to embrace change to forge ahead.

Water: They drank water, and ate from their own land. And were located near water, where it’s warm.

Lifelong Learner: Many of the stories focused on how they had to learn new skills, to handle job changes, relocations, and new things being introduced at rapid rates in the 1900’s.

Bottom line: keep one foot in front of the other, head up, living with no regrets, and moving forward in moderation. How are you doing with these? If you aren’t really focused on them, what do you want to focus on that’ll make you happy? In my future, I foresee myself interviewing centenarians, to share their incredibly resilient stories…and continuing to learn from their wisdom.

Jen Wilfong, Sept. 2, 2021

sources: If I Live to Be 100, by Paul Mobley; The Blue Zones, by Dan Buettner; Aging Gracefully, by Karsten Thormaehlen

That word, “Belief”

When Helio Castroneves won his fourth Indy 500 in May 2021, he thanked his new team owner and crew for “believing in me.” He’s only won the Indy 500 four times, and yet, he is thanking people for that word, Belief.

When Giannis Antetokounmpo was thanking and acknowledging the team, ownership, and fans when his Milwaukee Bucks won the 2021 NBA Championship, he was grateful for all those that believed in him. As a kid, who sold watches in the streets of Athens, Greece. And years later, he and his brothers are NBA champions. Whoever believed in him deserves a serious shout out.

Another key member of that Bucks’ 2021 Championship team is Jrue Holiday. He is one of the best defenders in the League; he was traded from New Orleans to the Bucks around Thanksgiving 2020. Fast forward, as he was celebrating the Bucks’ NBA championship, he too thanked his teammates and the organization for believing in him. Both Jrue and Giannis are All-Stars, heck, Giannis is a two-time NBA league MVP. And yet, they quickly commented that they were truly grateful that someone or some organization really, truly believed in them.

A young, seasoned and skilled athletic director at a small high school in Indiana texted me the a couple weeks ago to share that he was having a very important interview. He wanted me to know, because I had always believed in him, and told him that he would reach much higher heights in managing athletics. I believed in him. Yes, me, I believed in him. Although he was not selected for the job, he quickly let me know after he got the bad news. And guess what, I still believe in him and reinforced the message of “it’s not a no, its just not right now.”

Who do you believe in? Have you told them recently why you believe in them? If you haven’t done that, do it. And do it soon. Every single person on this planet needs someone in their corner, that ray of sunshine, a listening ear, the gentle or intentional hard nudge when necessary, and who will take a late night or early morning call when doubt sets in. They need that word, BELIEF. Be the change. Bring BELIEF to others.

Jen Wilfong

August 8, 2021

Everybody Has Something. Everyone.

If you think that everyone else is perfect in their world, well, it isn’t. Everyone is facing something. Everyone. In the last couple weeks, here are a few things that have happened with people very close to me:

My Neighbors

My next door neighbors recently were informed that BOTH of their 80+ year old mothers have bone cancer and multiple masses.

The guy who lives two doors down received horrible news by two different oncologists that he has stage four cancer, all over his body.  His mind and heart are good though, and he presses on with faith.

My Work

Multiple people in South Florida that I coach mentioned that they had some connection to a few of the people who went missing and were killed during the Surfside condo collapse in the early morning of June 24, 2021.

One of our contractors just lost his mother; he sat by her bedside for nearly two weeks.  And once she passed, his father quickly changed, started going to the casino and spending money like a crazy man.  

My Family

My own mother is making multiple trips to the doctor to understand why is she so short of breath, fatigued, and frustrated. Thank goodness that I can join her on these appointments.

My father bought a wonderful mare (horse) a couple years ago, to have future race horses. However, this week, the mare got extremely ill, and had to be put down due to severe colitis. And another race horse broke its leg, and another mare got her leg wrapped up in a neighbor’s wire fence. Yes, thank goodness for vets who cared for two of the three horses, but the loss of the good mare hurts.

My niece just recently was divorced, after a 17-year marriage.

My Friends

My best guy friend has been helping care for his parents for the last 3 years, and his mother passed away last week. 

A girlfriend from high school texted me late last evening, as her husband just was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer.

Our Ohio friends both are helping tend to their mothers’ well being, as both of their fathers have already passed.

Me

In the last month, I have faced a battle with shingles, and the aftermath of all the meds to treat the shingles.  And then, I got tangled up in some poison oak while gardening. Intense rash on my body now over the last month. Grateful for my healthcare, but geez, really don’t even want to go see the doc.

Life throws us challenges, and of course, many opportunities.  Although life may look all rosy and fun, most are facing something.  How are you truly understanding what people are going through? Are you showing patience, or jumping to conclusions? How are you offering to provide support, or are you? What happens when you need someone or something?

Please remember, everyone has something.  Everyone.

Jen Wilfong, July 13, 2021

Cousins Staying Connected

My cousin, a smart and savvy 28 year old, and me, at 56 years old, have really connected since hanging by Lake Wawasee for my 50th birthday (in August 2014). She came to the lake again the following couple years.  And then, we connected up again during COVID, in January 2021, at our home in Lake Worth Beach, FL. 

My cousin? She makes the effort.  She communicates well with adults, older adults and older cousins.  She makes trips to see us.  She takes business trips to further her career with a sports tech start-up.  She takes trips with friends to discover the world.  And, she remembers.

During a couple of our “cousin convos”, I had mentioned that I would charter a jet and bring friends to see Coldplay or KYGO if they were to ever perform at Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado.  Well, sure enough.  In early June 2021, one of her work colleagues let her know that KYGO was coming to Red Rocks.  She confirmed it, and texted me immediately. She remembered our “cousin convo”.  She remembered!

We quickly bought four tickets to KYGO, on row 5, then started booking airfare.  I invited another friend, but he couldn’t make it.  Invited my niece, and she first declined, but then decided to make the trip, too. Bottom line: we had five of us, ranging in age from 28 to 76 on row 5 at the KYGO concert on June 24, 2021.  What a blast, a memory of a lifetime.  And my cousin made it happen, because she remembered our conversation about a bucket list concert.

Are you staying connected with loved ones? Are you asking unique questions? Are you listening, and remembering their answers? If YES, way to go and keep doing it.  If NO, then ask yourself, “if you aren’t staying connected, asking questions, and listening for answers, then WHEN will you do it?”

Don’t wait.  Life is short.

Jen Wilfong

6/26/2021

Re-thinking Something? Nearly Everyone Is Doing It.

In every single conversation that I am having, nearly everyone is re-thinking something. Everyone is doing it. Everyone.

Up to 40% of Americans working right now are re-thinking things about their job. They are thinking about quitting their job. Many liked the flexible work from home (WFH) model during the pandemic, and may now actually prefer a hybrid work week of WFH and in the office. Others are ready to re-educate themselves, and start a new career. This may be due to losing a loved one during the pandemic, and realizing that life is indeed, short. The phrase “do what you love, love what you do” is in high gear right now.

Up to 50% of Americans over the age of 55 are re-thinking how they want to live the next phase of their lives. My partner has owned not one, but three RV’s in the last three years. She sold one to a 65 year old entrepreneur who just sold his company, and has a sick wife. He said, “if we don’t travel now, when are we going to travel?” She sold her older RV to a confident millennial, who is trekking cross country in it, while working remotely.

Many veterinarians are re-thinking if they want to just be a vet, or really run and operate a vet clinic. A colleague of mine just bought three vet practices TODAY, yes, TODAY. And intends to buy 100 more vet practices by yearend 2021. Why? Vet practices are slammed, after many Americans bought a new pet or added a pet during the COVID pandemic. Families are re-thinking their own households, and adding pets.

Mothers, fathers, and couples are re-thinking when to have children, and how many, or if any at all. The US birth rate recently fell another four percent, to its lowest point since 1979. Countless couples are traveling locally and globally, working remotely, and living the life now, all while delaying and/or reducing the amount of child births….instead of the former thought of work, kids, work, and more work, then retire and die.

One of my work colleagues recently shared with me that his son, a professional baseball prospect and a high school student, is re-thinking how he gets his high school diploma. Instead of sitting in class or virtual classes from 8am to 3pm, his son will be improving his baseball skills from 9am to 4pm, and then do virtual learning in the evening via another state’s high school education program. Yes, another state.

Young adults are now re-thinking the cost vs. value of going to college. Enrollment has dropped, as young adults are making decisions to learn online, work full-time, hustle with a few gigs, etc. and employers are realizing that many entry level jobs no longer need a college degree as a pre-requirement.

A couple of our friends in Texas just sold their home, retired from teaching, and are going to travel and live in their travel trailer. They are completely re-thinking how to travel, how to live after retirement, and are taking their sweet time to figure out “where” they will retire.

The average size of home sold in the last 12-15 months is 33 sq. feet larger than the previous year. People are re-thinking their homes, how they use them, and are wanting more space for “flex”, i.e. work from home, exercise room, virtual learning area.

Google and YouTube have seen a 16X spike in “electric vehicles” searches in the last few months. Drivers and car owners are re-thinking their fuel costs, or maybe their own personal carbon footprint, or simply embracing the latest technology.

During the pandemic, millions who stayed home started reading “Reddit”, and learning how to invest on Robinhood. They now are re-thinking how they can invest, and increase their returns. Many of these millions of online investors had never been involved in investing just two years ago.

As a coach, an important question that I’ll be asking this summer: Leaders, what do you suppose your employees are re-thinking? Leaders, are you ready for a potential exit of some of your talent? Leaders, are you really ready to listen to your employees’ needs and wants, and then respond with a win – win solution? Leaders, are you ready to hire new talent that has different career aspirations? Leaders, are you ready for employees to want an EV plug-in dedicated area in your company’s parking garage? Bottom line: be ready, because everyone is re-thinking something. And if you think they aren’t, then you might just be out of touch.

Jen Wilfong, June 2021

142,000 COVID deaths = The 737 Airplane Crashing 811 Times

More than 142,000 Americans have died due to COVID19, according to public health data. And yet, some Americans are resisting this data, and many are not wearing masks for the health and well being of themselves and others.

Let’s take a completely different look at some data points:

The popular 737 airplane, that many global airlines utilize, seats between 162-189 passengers. Let’s round that to 175 passengers. The 142,000 COVID deaths would be similar to a 737 plane crashing and killing all aboard for 811 straight days. We ALL know that if this were to really happen more than 2-3 days in a row, all 737’s would be “shut down” from flying. They would be “grounded” immediately.

And here are some other mandated data points:

In most states, smoking is not allowed in most public places. This is due to facts of first and second hand smoke being potentially lethal. Why do we now have “no-smoking” laws? for our own safety and well being of others.

In every town and city in America, we have state laws that require us to wear our seat belts. And for child seats in the back seat for our children under certain ages. Why? for our own safety and well being of others.

On every road in America, we have “boundaries” with white and yellow lines and dashes painted to remind us of where to drive, how to stay in our lane, and when it’s ok to pass and merge. Why? for our own safety and well being of others.

When you fly anywhere now, you must pass thru security and provide your identification, and prove that you are not carrying any item that may harm others. Why? for our own safety and well being of others.

When you renew your drivers license, you must pass an eye test. I just completed this last week, and it was gratifying that I could do it easily…but the person next to me absolutely could not see nor read the eye test. Why do we succumb to the eye test? for our own safety and the well being of others.

When restaurant workers go to the bathrooms in their restaurants, they are required to wash their hands, since they are handling the food that we are about to eat. Why do we ask them to wash their hands? for our own safety and well being of others.

When you go to the dentist for a cleaning or checkup, notice that the dentist and the techs are all wearing gloves and many are wearing face shields…and have been wearing them way in advance of COVID19. Why? for our own safety and well being of others.

My request to anyone who is resisting wearing a mask when asked to: just wear it. Be reminded of ALL of these examples above, and many other examples that I haven’t listed, that are in place for your own safety and the well being of others. Wear Yo Mask. #WearYoMask

It’s Worth The Drive

17.5 hours to drive home.

Another 2 hours to drive and visit with Mom and Dad.

Another 3 hours to do the drive-in birthday party for my niece on her 21st birthday.

Another 1 hour to drive back to lay my head down for the evening.

And then return back home, another 17+ hours.

Was it worth it? Absolutely.

During my 20’s, 30’s, and early 40’s, there were times when frustration would hit me at my core when someone would die that I truly admired, respected, and loved. After that would happen, I just kept saying to myself that I wanted to ensure that my last moments with those type of people in my life were positive, peaceful, and freeing. Releasing. Like that song, “It Is Well With My Soul.”

Over the last 10-20 years, making an effort to see OTHERS has been so impactful on them; so fun seeing their surprise and feeling the strength of our ongoing relationship grow. Even during this public health COVID19 pandemic, I made the decision to visit all these friends and family. And did it with the safety precautions that were comfortable to me, and respectful to them, too.

Make the drive. Take the trip. Go see the people who matter to you. Make those memories. Live your life. Have no regrets.