Are you a Woman in Leadership in a corporate or entrepreneurial setting? Or do you have a desire to become one? We work with women like you. Women who aspire ‘to sit at the table’ confidently; to run the financial side of business; to lead, collaborate with, and facilitate others; to let ambitions go hand in hand with a good work life balance; and to turn ‘hard work’ into ‘heartwork’, as this propells their leadership.
Our passion is to support/coach women, helping bring out their full potential and taking their leadership to a next level. We focus on the whole person, both work and private life, as we don’t see these as two separate worlds. With our monthly blog, (leveraging examples from our coaching and consulting practices), we provide tips, advice, and new outlooks which will encourage you to move forward. In our blog ‘What’s your top priority?’ we focussed on the importance of putting yourself first (#1), as leadership starts with you. What’s next?! Let’s start with a test.
Test your outlook (Self-Assess)
Answer the following questions with yes or no. We recommend you just follow your heart with your answer, not thinking too long. Tip: why not share your answers with a trusted friend or partner? It may turn out to be the start of your heartwork ‘support-team’.
1. When I wake up, I usually think ‘yes, this is going to be another good day!’.
2. When I receive a ‘bad’ comment, I typically view it as a learning opportunity.
3. I truly believe that not all people have to like me.
4. When my boss wants to have a talk with me, I don’t expect ‘trouble’.
5. When things go wrong or not as planned, I look forward to find the best solutions.
What’s your score?
Did you score four or more yes answers? If so, then there’s a big chance you are the optimistic type who sees the glass as always half-full. With mostly no’s on your list, you are probably the type who’s glass is half-empty or as a person with a pessimistic outlook. Did your answers ‘split’ with 2-3 yes’s or no’s? Then you first have to do some work on self. With a coach, you can explore what makes your answers a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, what’s getting in your way, and find out more about your outlook.
Does it matter?
Yes! In our practice, we see that optimism facilitates women with their heartwork. Optimists stay focussed, action oriented, and keep moving ahead instead of spiraling down when things do not go the desired way. Optimistic ‘framing’ supports women to sustain themselves on their path to leadership.
If optimism does not come naturally to you, the good news is that it can be learned. You can train yourself to be more optimistic, use less energy on negative thoughts, and prevent yourself from spiraling down. In our practice, here’s what we have learned as some tips from other women:
1. Reflect on what’s really meaningful for you. Listen to your heart and make ‘adaptations’ in your (whole) life, if needed. It ‘brightens up’ your outlook.
2. If you are a ‘worrier’, list all things you worry about. Which ones can you truly influence? Think of specific actions that will help you influence & solve them, and then do it!
3. When something goes wrong, do not think of the worse-case scenario. Instead, reverse it! As a practice, sketch the positive scenarios first.
4. Do you often have a little voice in your head that amplifies and/or dispapproves of every mistake? Talk back and move forward!
5. Are you an ‘approval junkie’? Then reflect on ‘What makes others opinions more important then my own?!’
6. Do you avoid conflicts? Remember that conflicts are part of life and not the end of the world. On the contrary, they often lead to the long sought-after solution! Embrace this solution.
7. Is your environment a bit ‘gloomy’? Then step out of this environment regularly. How? By meeting new people and doing new things. Like siging up of an art or fitness class, doing community work, reading inspiring books and articles…….
8. Go the appreciative way: look for what works, instead of what does not work. It ‘opens up’ new possibilities and changes your worldview.
Just do it
It is this ‘simplicity’ which will make the tips effective. At the same time, this is the ‘difficult’ part. It requires letting go of old habits, exploring new territories, and adapting your framework. Yes, this is a challenging process and it may take some practicing. Where do you start? It all starts with a choice: choosing yourself and engaging in heartwork. Once you have taken this leap, practice is the key. Take many small steps (instead of one big step). Be aware of ‘overdoing’ it, as being too optimistic often leads to excuses. With all that in mind, just imagine what could happen if you go the optimistic way? Do not stop there, just do it!
Note: Authors Maleene de Ridder and Jen Wilfong are passionate about developing women as leaders. They embrace purposeful balance, wellness and ongoing learning, as well as leveraging global trends to further their coaching & consulting businesses. Both are certified coaches from the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara, CA. For more information, check them out on the web at www.maleenederidder.com and www.jenwilfong.com
Are you a Woman in Leadership in a corporate or entrepreneurial setting? Or do you have a desire to become one? We work with women like you: those who aspire ‘to sit at the table’ confidently; to run the financial side of business; to lead, collaborate with, and facilitate others, and to let ambitions go hand in hand with a good work life balance. Women who want to turn hard work into heartwork as this propels their leadership.
Our passion is to support/coach women to help bring out their full potential and take their leadership to a next level. We focus on the whole person, both work and private life, as we don’t see these as two separate ‘worlds’. With our monthly blog, from our coaching and consulting practices, we provide tips, advice, and new outlooks which will encourage you to move forward. We started with “What’s your top priority?” and focused on the importance of putting yourself first (#1), as leadership starts with you. The second “Your Outlook Matters” blog underlined the importance of optimistic ‘framing’. As nobody does it alone, this third blog is about the relationships you build along your way to leadership. We see that women with strong networks and the ability to connect benefit from it. Personally, and professionally, and their team benefits, too!
Use your Connecting Talent
Connectedness is the core to heartwork. It is essential to your sense of meaning and fulfillment. A leader with strong connections can share this with her colleagues and team members, and by doing so, inspire others to commit to the work. So it can work both ways, as employees thrive on the support from the person they work for. It gives the leader the most important support she can get: commitment from her ‘team’.
Most women are natural ‘relationship builders’ and most are focused on inclusiveness. These strengths can make women extremely effective leaders, capable of mobilizing talent and inspiring commitment. With our clients, we see many women under utilize their connecting talents in an effective way to network for work for them. Why? Women tend to build deep relationships and therefore have a relatively small network. Men, on the other hand, tend to build broader and shallower networks, making them more visible and thus have a wider range of resources available for career opportunities. Furthermore, many women do not allocate the time to build professional networks. Main reasons are their home responsibilities and ‘aversion’ to networking. To be an effective leader, women need to use their connecting skills intentionally and do business networking actively. It is not optional; it is a must to turn your connecting talent into a value.
Become a Connector
Connecting starts with you. Read our blog ‘What’s your top priority?’ on how to connect to the things that are meaningful to you and what makes work heartwork for you. Connecting with the people inside and outside your organization starts by recognizing and ‘reading’ one’s own and others’ emotions. Emotional intelligence (EQ) plays an important role in this regard. It requires awareness of emotions and the effects of it on self and others, managing those emotions, and building relationships by the ability to inspire, influence and develop others. The good news is that EQ competencies are not innate talents, but rather learned capabilities that must be worked on and can be developed to achieve outstanding performance.
Where to start? First step is to ‘assess’ your own EQ. Explore and note how you read your own and others’ emotions? And then assess how you manage your and others’ emotions? Start with your strengths. Other actions to become a connector might include:
– Ask instead of tell. It makes people feel worthwhile and creates followers;
– Practice inclusiveness;
– Build a broad network with lots of casual connections;
– Use your network on a regular basis. How? By ‘giving and taking’;
– Find a sponsor.
CV becomes Connecting Value
Leaders who are motivated to work on both their EQ, as well as their network, will strengthen and enlarge their connecting value and improve their leadership. For them, this CV will matter more than their other CV (resume). What’s your next step?
Note: Authors Maleene de Ridder and Jen Wilfong are passionate about developing women as leaders. They embrace purposeful balance, wellness and ongoing learning, as well as leveraging global trends to further their coaching & consulting businesses. Both certified coaches from the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara, CA. For more information, check them out on the web at www.maleenederidder.com and www.jenwilfong.com
As I began planting flowers this spring, I noticed a lot of similarities between developing businesses (and people) and growing a garden. My grandmother had a natural green thumb; she just knew how to get plants to take root and grow. She passed her love of gardening on to my mother. Mom has won numerous garden show awards by showing flowers and arrangements from her English-like gardens in the country. As for me, I can only hope to be as accomplished as they both were with their gardening skills, since I thoroughly enjoy working in my yard, especially with flower containers, and in community gardens, routinely checking out the multitude of flower beds. However, as I work in those beds, I find that I am using it as time to fine tune how I might help develop businesses and the people who make those businesses grow.
Here are the similarities that I notice between gardening and growing people and businesses:
Cultivate the soil. As you get ready to start your businesses, preparation is key. You may pull all-nighters thinking about the idea. You might provide a business plan to your banker, your partner or investors. You might even work for a competitor to learn and establish your own secret sauce. The key here is prep. The seed might just take root if the soil is cultivated just right.
Plant the seed. Once the prep is done, it’s time to plant the seed and get the business growing. Be watchful, to ensure the seed or idea sprouts. However, be patient and allow time for the business or person to grow. All things take time, but all things need a bit of attention, too. Be very selective with people; like seeds, they’ll grow best where the soil is ready and the support is easily available.
Water it/let it rain. Flowers and plants need the right amount of moisture, or they can’t produce nutrients for themselves. Water is the No. 1 need for plants and humans. How can you keep your employees fluid and engaged, bringing their ideas forward and solving problems quickly? Whatever you do, don’t let your people or your business idea dry up.
Sunshine. The sun is the most amazing star, at the center of the solar system. It gives plants, flowers, and people rays of hope. Employees need encouragement and recognition. Businesses need to see lights at the end of the tunnels. We all embrace sunrises and sunsets because of their simplistic beauty. Give your business and employees plenty of sun!
Fertilize appropriately. Every now and then, we all need an extra dose of something. A flower container might be stagnant, but with a shot of fertilizer, it can grow to a whole new height. Employees and business owners who gather advice, mentoring and coaching along the way have a better chance of having a growth spurt than those who don’t ask for feedback.
Remove the weeds. As business grows, you may have to eliminate some products, services, locations or employees. Toxic employees, processes, ideas or suffocating customers can kill growth. Just like a flower or vegetable garden, don’t allow the weeds to take over your harvest.
Just like gardening, there is rarely a magical fix when developing successful businesses and people. It takes continual good decisions with a mixture of appropriate actions for a business and employee to thrive. Too much of one thing can quickly overcome a business (or a garden). Be watchful and attentive; but once you have it figured out, watch it grow to an amazing garden/business/employee.
After a while, a flower garden can become overgrown. The gardener then splits up some of the flowers and transplants them in a new flowerbed. In business, that might mean finding a new location, expanding services or adding new employees to further grow the business. Whether you’re an emerging leader, a woman in leadership, or an entrepreneur, embrace becoming a master gardener for your business!
Today I was prepping for some Strengths Finders training that I will be attending during the week of July 6 in Princeton. In reviewing my strengths that I took back in 2013, I was reminded that discipline is my top strength, closely followed by focus, achiever, responsibility, and learner. Thus, it is probably not a surprise that I am prepping 2-3 weeks in advance, being someone with those discipline, focus, and responsibility strengths.
Before turning 50 in August 2014, my partner and I made the pledge to look good in our photos during our trips to Italy, Chicago, and the lake in the summer of 2014. That pledge really leveraged my strengths of achiever, but also discipline and focus. As we traveled last summer, our snaps turned out great and we felt good in the process of hitting the big 50. We had energy, we enjoyed friends and family, and felt great.
After I turned 50, I quickly became a bit lazy and quit leveraging my discipline strength. I gained weight back, even though we were working out and ran a half marathon in the Fall 2014. But in January 2015, I wrote down: “get in the 150’s (pounds) and stay there.” By writing that down and embracing my strengths, I have found it easy and focused to eat less this year. And I weigh 8-10 pounds less than I did while on our trips last summer.
I want to be role model of wellness at 50, and so my strength of responsibility is really kicking in right now. The self esteem burst of “look good, feel great” is worth the effort to the daily rejection of sweets, desserts, extra helpings, and that extra drink. My focus on wellness is delivering on this: Be happy. Be healthy. Be connected. Be grateful. Be well. Be encouraged. Be a role model.
What are your strengths? I bet you are using them at work. But how about in your personal life and with your own well being? My hope for you is that you deploy your strengths routinely in your blended life of home, play, family, friends, faith, and yes, at work.
Are you stuck in your role at work? Are you missing opportunities to get that promotion? Are you not viewed as a leader yet? Your answer could be as simple as volunteering. Every time I volunteer, it helps me build my network and further my career. It has also made me better and more informed as a leader and community member. Let me share a few examples.
In 1987-1988, a mid-level leader asked me to coach basketball with him, as his daughters were on the team. After declining a couple times, I finally agreed (after someone else encouraged me to do it). Our results with these middle school girls helped change their lives; they won more games during those two years than they ever had in the past. Many of the girls said that winning improved their confidence levels. As for my takeaway, the mid-level leader I coached with became a senior executive a few years later and was a strong supporter of mine during my entire career.
In 1993, a senior executive asked me to help manage the United Way (UW) of Middle Tennessee campaign for our financial services company. This was my first experience working with a national non-profit organization and it was also the first time a campaign had been run at this Company. We accomplished a spike in giving to United Way by our employees and leaders, and they also became involved in additional volunteer opportunities. UW of Middle TN recognized our Company for being an outstanding first time campaign. My takeaway? The senior executive who asked me to run the campaign became one of my biggest and longest supporters in the Company.
In 2000 I lost my battle with ulcerative colitis. I began walking to raise money for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA). I quickly realized that walking actually helped me feel better physically. I also noticed that as I asked people to donate to CCFA, it gave me the opportunity to refine my message, i.e. “why am I involved in CCFA”. This helped me when I spoke to all size groups. Within a few years, speaking became a strength for me. When I launched my own non-profit and scholarship fund (Can Do 4:13 Scholarship & Mentoring Program), the practice I received with CCFA gave me the confidence to state my goals for Can Do, including why I created the program, and why people should donate. I utilized these same skills as I articulated business plans and marketing strategies as a senior leader in my Company.
Because of my work with CCFA and Can Do, a fast moving leader (who also was a previous boss) asked me to replace him as a Board Member at the Community Foundation of Central Illinois in 2005. This was a huge step for me, as I had never been on a Board. The role had fiduciary responsibility, as well as being more aware of what was going on in the community because we selected grants to distribute. The experience helped me improve my financial business acumen, clarify my values, and refine my message on my passions. Fast forward to 2010; guess who my new boss was? That same leader who recommended me for the Board position.
Volunteering and continually being nudged along by key influencers definitely helped my career. More important than my career, it helped me become a better, more informed and caring woman. So what’s getting in your way of volunteering? Are you a woman in leadership or an emerging leader? If you want to build your network, increase sales or make a difference, pick a volunteer opportunity that you are passionate about, or have a leader/colleague/friend gently nudge you along. It just might catapult you and your career to new heights.
Why do I love the NFL? It is a great mixture of world class athletes, intense and emotional competition, vision and strategy, precise execution, fan interaction, and big business. For example:
It’s emotional. Only one team wins the big prize annually. The Vince Lombardi Super Bowl trophy is adorned; grown men have tears in their eyes while they embrace that trophy like their own child, after winning the Super Bowl. For teams who don’t follow the rules, they get penalized. Teams lose players to short and long term injuries, which can be devastating to the player, the entire team, the fans and the owner’s bottom line. Players are locked out. Referees are too. Owners balk, and then agree. Egos abound!
It’s consistent. During the fall and early winter, the games are all day every Sunday and Monday evening. And now every Thursday. Although lifestyles are very busy, millions of fans routinely make time to watch this #1 sport in America.
It embraces strategy. The owners are willing to invest a lot of money into players, coaches, fans, and facilities, to get a higher return on their investment. During the games, the teams have gameplans (strategies) on how to prepare, compete, and win. Countless hours are spent in the film rooms AND on the field prepping for the competition as well as honing the team’s strengths and weaknesses.
It’s about leadership. Each small group on every NFL team has a coach. Sure, there is a head coach. But there are also running back and linebacker coaches. There are owners and general managers. If all of these leaders are executing with precision to the strategy, it can be magical.
It’s all about execution. The team that executes with precision, wins. Execution is difficult to do, but easy to identify when it is done right. Whether it is scoring with 12 seconds to go in the first half to take a lead in to halftime or defending a goal line stance during the last two minutes, you know execution when you see it.
It’s about change. It is interesting how quickly a team can come together, even though EVERY team roster changes annually. Audibles are utilized and implemented within seconds after the offense reviews the defense stance. Each player has to perform and adjust as the game develops.
It’s about role clarity. It is fascinating to see how each player clearly knows his role on each play. A wide receiver runs his route, with timing and yardage completely in sync with his quarterback’s release of a throw. The offensive lineman block to protect the quarterback and to help gain yardage for the running back. The special teams help block for the punt returner. The athletic trainer and doctors know when to administer what treatment for injuries and pain.
It’s hi-tech. The stadiums are electric with big screen replays of nearly every play. Fantasy football allows the fan to build and manage his own team, anytime, anywhere. Nearly every game can be viewed ubiquitously, whether on a mobile device, laptop, via the internet or satellite TV. Games can be watched later in either full or 30 minute versions.
It gets people together. In the fall of 2011, 23 of the top 25 shows viewed were NFL games. And in many cases, these NFL games are watched in groups of fans who are eating, talking, and drinking together. Tailgating starts on early Sunday mornings in the stadium parking lots and goes well beyond the end of the game. Camping in the woods and parks has now moved to asphalt parking lots near stadiums.
It’s about patience. The teams who consistently perform at the highest levels are the teams with lack of turnover. For example, the NY Giants have remained committed to Tom Coughlin even though the NY press wants to fire him annually. Coughlin’s answer? Two Super Bowls in five years. The Pittsburgh Steelers have been in the hunt for decades, with the same family leading the franchise and purposefully selecting coaches who embrace their values. The Miami Dolphins and San Francisco 49ers were truly dominating in the 1970s’s and 1980’s, respectively, with steady ownership, coaches, and quarterbacks. The New England Patriots have an owner in Robert Kraft and coach in Bill Belichick that trust one another and demonstrate excellence year after year. The Green Bay Packers fans are the most loyal in the business, as they own the team. That is not going to change.
It’s BIG business. Billions of dollars in television rights across five networks (NBC, FOX, CBS, ESPN, and NFL Network) and stadiums worth hundreds of million dollars grab the attention of fans, hopes and dreams of children, and other businesses who want to be a part of the NFL picture to broaden their brand.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that high-performing teams on the court/field and in business have the ability to perform at a very high level because each and every person on the team clearly knows the vision and their role, and executes it with precision. In today’s business world, role clarity and execution are becoming more and more important, as the room for error is so slim due to increased governance, regulations, shareholder and customer expectations. Is your team operating at a level that meets your vision? If not, identifying your vision and further clarifying roles might be the first steps to address. The NFL demonstrates this every week, on five different TV networks, with 32 teams owned by 32 different men in 32 different locations, with 53 players, who all know their role. Complexity in business can be overcome by a clear vision and role clarity. The NFL is a living and successful example.
The only way we really learn how to swim is by jumping in (the swimming pool or off the dock into the lake). The fear we overcome quickly is turned in to courage. This courage quickly translates into new skills and talents. Let’s take a couple recent examples in the sports world that have transformed careers.
Cool hand Luke. As an average George Mason basketball player, Luke Hancock decided to transfer when his George Mason coach ‘jumped’ to take on the head coaching job at University of Miami. Courageously, after considering multiple schools and two of them were in his home state, Hancock agreed that the University of Louisville was his next step. Within just a few months, his teammates named him captain even though he sat out as a ‘redshirt’ during the 2011-2012 season. Within less than two years of his transfer (change), he was deep in the NCAA tournament assuming a key role after a teammate fell due to a broken leg. And who was the one who calmed Kevin Ware as he laid on the sideline with a broken leg? Luke Hancock was there, fully present during the ‘breaking point’, looking directly in to his teammate’s eyes. Just a week later, Hancock came off the bench and led the Louisville Cardinals in not one, but two comebacks to win the NCAA title. Hancock’s ability to be courageous, calm, and lead are truly unique. The NCAA voters agreed, and awarded him the NCAA Final Four’s Most Outstanding Player award.
Come On Aussies. In July 2011, the #1 golfer in the world released his caddie, Steve Williams. And a younger but highly talented golfer from Australia, Adam Scott, had the amazing courage to quickly hire the best caddie in golf, Williams. At that point, Scott hadn’t won a major championship on the PGA Tour. But most in the sport quickly realized that the elusive major was now within reach. Although Scott was close (he gave up a four-stroke lead in the 2012 British Open), he came back stronger and won the 2013 Masters in fabulous style (sinking a birdie putt in the second playoff hole against a previous Masters winner). Again, in less than two years, Scott has reached the pinnacle of his career in winning The Masters, all because he had the courage to change and transform.
Both of these examples remind us of how some people get ‘stuck’ due to fear of making a change, while others embrace courageous change and achieve heights that appeared to be untouchable. How are you embracing change and your future opportunities? A first few steps might be to identify where you want to go, what you want to achieve, and then identify who can help you reach your pinnacle.
Honored to have had the opportunity to write for Inc. magazine, sharing my experience of transitioning from corporate executive to start-up.
Check out the article, “5 Ways Corporate Execs Can Thrive at a Start-up” on Inc.com!
Recently, a colleague wrote about the common phrase of “work life balance”. And then another colleague added that this common phrase should be changed to “work life integration.” This concerned me, as it prompted me to wonder what’s behind society and leaders allowing the move from “work life balance” to “work life integration”. In my practice, clients are teaching me a lot: if clients allow their work to integrate their life by not setting boundaries, not making purposeful & prioritized decisions, then the client is more apt to struggle with meeting their personal goals. If a client embraces and communicates their priorities and purpose, I find that the client can begin to establish new practices & habits, balance their life better, and achieve personal goals that previously seemed unachievable. Whether it is work life balance or work life integration, aren’t we better served by embracing life first?
I now am completely questioning this common phrase: “work life balance.” Throughout a person’s life, one spends approximately 15-25% of his/her time at work. Most of one’s time is spent sleeping, eating, relaxing, and enjoying life’s pleasures and treasures. Even though the globe is more connected than ever and working 24 hours/day 5 to 7 days/week, that still doesn’t give reason for work to integrate your personal life.
I recommend we change it up. How about we talk about balancing life into work and integrating life with work? Let’s rename it from work life balance or work life integration to Your Life’s Work. To make this shift, try answering these questions: What are your most important life goals? What are your goals for 2012 and 2013? What are your goals for the remainder of this year? What do you want employees at work to truly know about you? Does your boss understand your personal goals and how important they are to you?
As you answered those questions, what did you notice? Are your work goals just one piece of your overall personal or life goals? If they are, then you are well on your way to Your Life’s Work. If you noticed that your goals are more work focused, are you ready to be introspective and define who you want to be, what steps you need to take to develop your plan, and how you want to be remembered?
So, how can you change it up and move from struggling with work life balance to developing Your Life’s Work?
Talk & Ask. Who can you talk to about your life’s goals, priorities, and purpose? Who will support you along your journey in accomplishing Your Life’s Work? Pick someone who truly listens to your plan, asks insightful questions, and will support you. A good first step is to talk about and plan your personal time as rigorously as your work schedule.
Write. Numerous studies have indicated that individuals, sports teams, and companies who write down their goals are much more apt to achieve them than those who don’t write them. Keep in mind that not all goals are met, so be ready to expect that. In baseball, an excellent batting average is above .350. In football, a quarterback is superb when he connects on 75% of his passing attempts. In basketball, the best free throw shooters hit more than 85% of their free throws. Teams who win 75% of their games position themselves to win championships. Expect progress, not perfection.
Share. Let others know about your plans, your priorities, and Your Life’s Work. When others know a bit more about what’s behind your actions and decisions, they might be more apt to support you. For example, let your boss know that you want to take your children’s birthdays off annually, because you want the kids to know that one day a year, they are #1. That decision and action may also send a signal to your boss that you can prioritize highly important things in Your Life’s Work.
Display. If a company can post their strategy on their website and on employee bulletin boards, then where can you post your personal goals that will support Your Life’s Work? I post mine annual goals by our personal calendar in the kitchen and also carry it in my wallet. It is always present, to help keep me focused on My Life’s Work.
Go. Take the first step toward Your Life’s Plan. Progress begins with that first step, embracing the plan, & doing it.
Let Your Life’s Work begin. Talk to someone today, so you can display and start Your Life’s Work tomorrow.